More and more these days I am feeling as if I'm being forced to function, I'm submerged physically and mentally in a pool of jelly, I can see all around but it's cloudy and difficult to manoeuvre.
All I want to do is to disappear, to vanish, run and hide from the world. I feel all alone and separated from the people I love and those that love me.
You see I've been spiralling and it's been ugly. I hate me when I'm in a spiral and that hate feeds the spiral and the spiral then intensifies the hate it grips me so hard logic and reason are beyond my reach. My brain knows what to do, my heart, emotions and core just can't.
I know I'm taking step to control it but these steps are going to take time.
As I try to put the pieces all back together and find my way through the shame and disgust at my actions and words over the last few days I have lost sight of the light, it's been hidden and the road to freedom has been blocked. I'm unable to see or sense the future.